Most people wouldn’t think that bawling their eyes out in a therapist’s office is a great start to a weekend, but I do - it’s awesome. Every Friday at 11 a.m., I trudge my ass into my school’s counseling center, and if I’m feeling super good, I will without fail shed numerous tears. You know what, though? I need it. That weekly appointment with my therapist is awesome. It’s a recap of the week that just happened and a primer for the week ahead.
Some people say that depression makes them not want to get out of bed in the morning. Anxiety is sort of like that – except I really do want to get out of bed, I’m just terrified that when I do, the world will start to explode around me. Although I’ve been an A student my entire life, I’ll go to class and find out that I’m failing all my classes. Despite the fact that I know I’ve got enough money in my checking account, I’ll feel nervous about it all day and won’t want to gas up my car.
Take this week, for example. Classes are done and all I have to do is take three finals and work on the musical going up at the end of the week - simple enough, right? It’s a fair amount of work but nothing that I can’t handle. I’ve done much more stressful days for much longer lengths of time and escaped unscathed. Even though I know this, though, my brain is hyperactive. These three exams have been the only thing on my mind since Saturday afternoon, and as I write this it’s 11:40 p.m. on Monday night. I know that I’ll get them done, and done well, but I can’t allow myself to fully relax until they’re over.
Therapy has helped, though. I’ve only been consistently going for maybe five months, but I really feel like I have a much better handle on these little anxieties that rule my life. I’m beginning to be able to recognize the patterns of anxiety that my mind slips into, realize that they’re happening, and then let them go - it’s a very Zen way of dealing with your issues, and I love it - I’ve begun to delve into meditation as well and that’s also been very helpful.
I feel like I’m alone in these things that stress me out, but I know that’s ridiculous. I’m in college, everyone around me is concerned about money and their grades. It’s just that they’re able to control those concerns and not let them get in the way of their daily lives.
Or maybe they don’t - There are a lot of people that are suffering from mental health issues that go undiagnosed, because their owners don’t receive mental healthcare, and I think a lot of that stems from ignorance of these issues. That’s why I chose to come out publicly via Punk Out - I wanted to use my own personal issues to help out other people and inspire some change.
If you feel how I feel or otherwise “not right,” I can only recommend you see a mental health professional if you have access to one. College students, I’m pretty sure all universities provide some sort of free mental health care, and they can accommodate a student’s schedule - it’s worth it.
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